I would like to be the kind of person who is striving to do what they say they are doing.
But I am restless, unsettled, divided.
The day begins and I am attentive. Creation is unfolding, evolving, always changing. She is teaching a lesson I resist.
I cannot deny my metamorphosis. Still, I desire some absolute stability. I want to grab hold of some perfect notion of life and never let go. But I can no more hold this moment than a flower can refuse its blooming.
Life is striving, reaching, becoming. Always in motion, constantly receiving; sensing, seeking, turning and yearning.
Meeting. Adapting. Adjusting.
Revise. Refine. Reform.
The journey is both brief and eternal. A terrible blessing filled with magic, madness, and mystery.
I breathe in deeply and I am transformed.
I exhale and Spirit blows where She will.
p.res.ence 
Dear Greg,
I can feel your longing and your pain. I find myself experiencing similar feelings at this point in my life journey. It is not an easy place…too many “goodbyes “…missing dear one(s)… especially this night. Seven years already there was a hospital bed next to me and I didn’t realize it would be our last night in the same space…earth…here. Indeed the Spirit remains in amazing and constantly new ways. Hope, gratitude, love continues to nourish and times of peace. But these past weeks and months have been so hard and challenging and often unpredictable…like your dear 39 year old suddenly leaving and now Christian…10 days ago sitting in a new red car with a great grin…the struggle is finally over…he fought the good fight and won the real prize!
I pray for your healing, your strength to go where you find peace of heart…where Sophia leads you. Wherever it is, you bring great gifts to share…your deep love and compassion for those in pain as well. I pray for healing of your body and your heart and your spirit. I pray you come the inner peace you seek. I am grateful for your care and blessings over the years.
As tomorrow unfolds, I will play for the liturgy and move on South down 301 to my brother Dan’s family gathering at their home in Arnold, MD …5 miles from the Bay Bridge. It’s been 2 years since I last saw several of the dear ones…I will return Monday to help with Christian Malmgren’s celebration at St. Paul’s. I taught Amanda Lopez at Padua. She asked me to help with some music.
Sending much love and blessings,
MaryLouise
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